An open letter to GEICO

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Fuck you. Love, Baltimore.

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Brett Yale | October 4, 2013

Screen shot from Dan Deacon's "Drinking Out of Cups"

Screen shot from Dan Deacon's "Drinking Out of Cups"

Dear GEICO,

In reference to your latest episode of Indie Across America, I would like to express my sincerest disdain towards your corporation, your gecko, and most of all the host of this video, Dave Holmes. I’m not sure if you can in fact offer 15% off or more off of your product, but you definitelty can provide the most misinformed piece of media regarding Baltimore's music scene there has ever been.

As a discount car insurance company I think it’s reasonable for us to expect you to be the go-to source of knowledge on indie music in the United States of America, and it’s unfortunate that you’ve misguided your devoted indie fan base on this topic. As the Pitchfork of auto provisions, you should be deeply repentant for seeding the second episode of this web series into the absorbent minds of our nation’s youth.

As for your gecko, being someone who works in advertising as my day job, I can say with no doubt in my mind that this is the most obnoxious ad campaign ever created. I hate it with every bone in my body, and I hope that stupid caveman learns how to create fire so he can burn the wretched green creature to the ground. There’s only room for one gecko in this world.

And lastly, but most importantly, Dave Holmes. Likely the root of this vast pit of misinformation, Dave Holmes leads one of the worst four minutes the internet has ever seen. We all wanted to be a VJ, but this ignorant sap not only didn’t do any research, but clearly didn’t even bother to set foot in a city where monumental acts like Beach House, Future Islands, Double Dagger, Wye Oak, Ed Schrader’s Music Beat, Celebration, Animal Collective, Dan Deacon, Lower Dens, Dope Body, Matmos, Roomrunner and Arbouretum have recently risen from.

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Holmes promises to “put Baltimore on the map.” What is this map you speak of, Dave? Did it look like this? I promise you, whatever map you’re referring to, it is not a map any artist in Baltimore would ever want to be a part of.

I’m not going to say Baltimore’s music scene is better than DC‘s, that’s an argument that’s been had one too many times and is completely pointless as they are both very different and admired by fans in their own ways. I am also not going to bash the band featured in the video. But, I am going to say Baltimore is without a doubt the most remarkable and unique music communities I have ever had the privilege of being a part of. Sure, one can rifle off names of internationally-renown artists that call Baltimore home like I have above, but that wouldn’t address the endless collaboration and support that this community provides each and every participant.

GEICO, as someone who grew up in the city that reads, I would like to extend an earnest and genuine “fuck you” from the bottom of my heart. I vow to never save 15% or more from your shitty car insurance, and I hope the gecko and Dave Holmes never step foot in our beautiful city again.

Love,
Brett

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