The Most Average Moments of October 2014

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Good news? What’s that?

October was one big haunted house of bad news lurking around every corner and under every crazed medical doctor’s operating gurney, ready to spring from hiding and cause us nothing but anguish. We wrote too many Say Goodbye pieces this month. October 2014 meant the end of Ted Nguyent, Dirty Beaches, and Crystal Castles. We were in a perpetual state of au revoir with Williamsburg and with the closing of Glasslands, it’s time to enter the adieu phase—in layman’s that translates to a phrase used when shoveling the last of the dirt onto a fresh grave.

Billy Corgan is beefing with Anderson Cooper. Snoop is dissing Iggy Azalea. Harvest Records is trolling our Eh Hall of Famer. Taylor Swift has managed to be worse than white people at brunch and Brooklyn is fuggin’ over. And yet, we keep on shruggin’ it all off because tomorrow we’ll share a list of great albums released in October. C’est la fucking vie.

Mark Kozelek trolls The War On Drugs

Kozelek must have gotten our memo about never apologizing, but rather continuing to indulge in a curmudgeon’s charade.

He inspired tweets of guffaws and essays on bullying and phallic meanie-ism by actually recording “War On Drugs: Suck My Cock”. When TWOD’s Adam Granofsky called him a douche in an interview, he re-read a transcription to his chagrin and a blues standard.

There’s no good answer to his antics, only a Christmas carols album on sale now.

David Rees’ Aphex Swift

Let’s remove from the equation “mash-ups are super fucking 2006” and consider David Rees defending the “super romantic—saccharine, even” songwriting of Taylor Swift as comparable to Aphex Twin’s Richard David James.

Yeah… stick to cartoons and National Geographic. Leave the music theory and waxing poetic to the professionals. Stream Aphex Swift at your own risk.

CMJ ebola scare

Ebola is transmitted via direct contact with bodily fluids, including saliva, mucus, vomit, feces, sweat, tears, breast milk, urine, and semen. Remove feces, urine and breast milk from that equation, and you basically have all fluids you will come in close proximity with at any show. Now throw a few hundred un-insured people into the room, and you have the perfect melting pot for an official scare. But don’t worry, only doctors and medical professionals who are checking themselves everyday get diseases.

FKA Twigs’ “short film”

It was a Google Glass commercial and we gave her a pass because of all the Twilight trolls transforming into racists from being fed after midnight on a full moon.

Moving on…

Ariel Pink is a bad comedian.

The latest headlines concerning Ariel Pink have led us to the following conclusion: Ariel Pink sucks at comedy.

He’s got the sort of taste in comedy that belongs on the Blue Collar Comedy station on Sirius XM. This month he continued his misogynistic parade by trolling Madonna because women really need to bow at the feet of Mr. Rosenberg.

There should be such a thing as bad publicity.

Iggy Azalea’s appropriation vortex

In the grandest of WTF-moments, Iggy Azalea nearly caused staff-wide aneurysms as we attempted to understand the point of dressing up as Brittany from White Chicks.

This is apparently her “response” to the Snoop Dogg Instagram battle in which he claimed she looked like Marlon Wayans’ character from the film.

Iggy doesn’t understand how “last laughs” work.

Anderson Cooper vs Billy Corgan’s cat advocacy

Let’s get one thing straight: Anderson Cooper is a dog person that holds no punches in his Smashing Pumpkins criticism.

He thinks “Cherub Rock” is derivative of My Bloody Valentine and that posing for PAWS magazine is the sign of desperate times beneath a man that once sold six million records. Billy called him “globalist shill” and PAWS flexed those Photoshop skills.

In other news, PAWS magazine is having a big year. Print ain’t dead, ya’ll.

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