Every band was just in Texas for South by South West. Except mine. Prince Rama wished we could have gone but had to skip the festival for the first time in five years. But SXSW was always great! Tex-Mex food, SUN, Barton Springs, free beer from 11AM until ????, TonZ of bands you've never heard of, hangoverssss, CuTE BoYz in BanDz, the first Whole Foods ever, TraFFucked, no parKing, sluTTy Spring Fashion, laying in the grass, Not Sleeping, $ Networking $, CeLeB sightiNGs, MUUUUSSSiC//SSSWWAAAAAGGG. TexXxas holds the #1 place in my heart….but I'm here in the freezZzing snow of Br00klyn NOT enjoying Tex-Mex n Margaritazzz
I've lived in New York for three years now, so that probably means I'm allergic to Gluten! I'm also probably overdue for a juice cleanse. I'm *DUH* going to yoga regularly and drinking Kombucha (cuz coconut water is SoOoOooOO 2010 am I riiiiiiiight???). Oviously the proud owner of a rooftop garden, so are ALL of my friends. And if you don't have like, Chia Seeds in your cabinet, U ProLLy don't live in BR00KLYN! I met someone named Kale at this goth-party in Bushwick last weekend. #youknowyouliveinbrooklynif your name is KALE!!!!!
Anyway, as a happy medium between Spicy Tex-Mex in Austin and Gluten Free Gastronomists in Brooklyn, I've created something to please every Cowboy or Cowgirl who enjoy the FiNeR ThAnGZ in LiFE:
GLUTEN-FREE CORN MUFFINZ WITH SPICY BLACK BEAN ICING
2 Cups Gluten Free Flour
3/4 Cup Organic Corn Meal
2 tsp Salt
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 Cup Organic Sugar
1 Cup Coconut Milk
3/4 Cup Organic Buttermilk
3 TBS Organic Corn
2 TBS Ricotta
1 tsp Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar
3/4 Cup Black Beans
1/2 Block Cream Cheese
1/2 Cup finely chopped Red Onion
1/2 Cup finely chopped Cilantro
2 TBS Organic Buttermilk
2 TBS Texas Pete's Hot Sauce
1 TBS Bragg's Amino Acids
1 tsp Stone Ground Mustard
1 tsp each Salt and Black Pepper
Jalepeno (for garnish)
Preheat your oven to 350.
Make a Michelada. For those of you who don't know what a Michelada is, it's typically a Mexican beer with Lime and Tomato Juice served over ice with a salted rim. That's how I would drink it when I lived in Texas! But because New York is the land of cultural diversity, and exXxpensive restaurants and bars, I decided to make it the way the Venezuelan bar in Brooklyn makes it: Mexican Beer, Lemon, Jalepeno, Black Pepper, and Raw Sugar Cane served over ice in a salted Mason Jar.
Combine both flours, salt and baking soda in a small bowl. In a large bowl, combine the rest of the ingredients.
Isn't that “Eat, Drink, Bake” spatula tha CUTEST???? In my world it's more like “Drink, Bake, Eat” but whatevs. That's prolly why I get hangovers. I'll drink, 'taste' way too much of the batter then ALSO eat the final product! Maybe I should make a spatula that just says “HUNGOVER” on it???
I had a pretty intense hangover at SXSW in 2010. I went to the infamous 6th Street for the first time. I was SooOoOOo PsyChED to bar hop with some girl friends!! “I'll have a vodka tonic!” We're all laughing and I'm loving everybody. “I'll have another vodka tonic!” I'm calling the dude I'm crushin on like 'HhhHheYYYyYYy maaAaaNNN R U LikE…PLaaYing a SHOW????' then suddenly I'm very RiCH and buying everyone a round of whiskey shots. “I'll have another vodka tonic!” God my friends are SooOoOOOoOO BEAUTIFUL!!!! I COULD JUST CRY!!!! Oh whoa….there's this dude in a band that I know….and he's walking over to me…..LET'S ALL GO TO ANOTHER BAR!! EVEN YOU, BAND BRO!!! We all go to Some Other Bar on 6th street and I'm all “I'll have a vodka tonic” and we're all dancing and OMG I'm like tha BE$T dancer!!!! And then I'm making out with Band Bro….wait….who do I have a crush on again?!?!!? WWWHHOOOAAAA I'M INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
Next morning we're playing some early show at 11am. Let me tell you I was a wreck!! The show was sponsered by VitaCoco and I was all “GET THAT CRAP AWAY FROM ME.” In the van going to the next show of the day we were stuck in HELLA TRAFFIC. I was feeling super sick but at the same time like “pull it together, Nimai, you still have 3 more shows to play today!!” I don't know how I managed to keep it together!!!!
Start to blend all of the wet ingredients together with an electric beater whisk thing and slowly add the dry ingredients.
When that's all blended and tastin' good, spoon the first batch into your greased muffin tin. Bake for 14 minutes!
Immediately take those out and let them cool. Put in your second batch!!
Are you feeling a little skeptical of the whole “Gluten Free” craze? Like…how do people decide that they are allergic to Gluten??? Do they think it's cool to shorten “Gluten Free” to just “GF”?? Maybe “Gluten Free” is really Guilt Free. or Guy Free. or Girlfriend Free. Goth Fetish. Gross Fetish. Gawking Follower. Geeky Follower. Greasy Follower. Garden Fruit. Gluten Free. But seriously…I thought it was a little weird when one day this girl I used to live with was all “Gluten is the source of ALL of my problemz!” and I was like…”maybe you should see a THERAPIST first!!!”
Recently I've been Gluten Free for fitness reasons. It's kinda fun!!! You get to shop in a whole different secton of the grocery store!!! Becoming aware of just HOW MANY GLUTEN FREE OPTIONZZ there are at a place like Whole Foods is kinda mind boggling!!! I sat there staring at Gluten Free flours for about 30 minutes. A couple of other people stood there also consulting their iPhones and wondering just which flour to pick: Potato? Tapioca? Rice? Buckwheat? Millet? Oat? …….Garbanzo bean?!! Wait are they KIDDING??? GARBANZO??? That couldn't taste good. I finally settled on a generic looking “Gluten Free Flour Mix” called King Arthur. I wandered around Whole Foods for another hour getting totaLLy lost in OPTIONZZ…you want Ice Cream?? Well now you have to choose between Raw Ice Cream, Reduced Fat, No Sugar Added, Frozen Yogurt, Gelato, Sorbet, Soy Ice Cream, Rice Dream, Almond Dream, Coconut Milk Ice Cream, ….Kefir Ice Cream??? Wait is this another JOKE??? One of the ingredients is 'PATIENCE'!!!!! THAT'S SO NEW YORK YOGA MOM!!! Then I went to get milk and……AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Almond/Cashew/Hazlenut milk?? Rice/Quinoa milk?? Coconut/Almond/Chia milk??!!! Rice milk Almond milk Coconut milk Flax milk Oat milk Soy milk Hemp milk 7 grain milk I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's make the icing.
Mash the Black Beans first with a potato masher. Then add Cream Cheese, Buttermilk, Soy Sauce, Mustard, Hot Sauce, Salt n Pepper. Mix those with a fork until smooth. Lightly stir in your finely chopped Red Onion and Cilantro last.
It totaLLy dawned on me at this moment that I'm about to ice 24 muffins….and I'm just ONE person! So I started to think….who could I invite over to eat these?? Maybe a GUY?? Maybe I should consult iChingOnline.net and ask if that's a good idea?? But I don't really like ANY DUDES right now….Maybe I'll consult this new Astrology App that I just got on my iPhone to see what kind of dude I should like??!! It says I like guys who are Highly educated, Artistic, a Humanitarian, a Born leader, Warm and Generous. WhoA…they're RIGHT!!! How'd it knOW that??!!? Then it says I don't like Selfishness, Intolerance, Elitism or Injustic. WhoA….that's ALSO RIGHT!!! Who would though? Wait…this all sounds generic as hell. Maybe I wasted $.099 on this App!!!!!!!
My sister and I went to our favorite coffee shop the other morning to GiRL tALk about our weekends. She talked about a *REAL DUDE* she is dating and I told her about who *Astrology.com* says I should date. This is one of my favoriTe thangs to ever do in life: GiRL tALk over a cup of coffee!!! When I lived in Austin I would go hang out at a huge coffee shop and sit at a big table with a couple of friends and S P R E A D O U T with our homework to look smart but really just CHAT. Here in Br00kLyN we squeeze into a table the size of a postage stamp and talk excitedly to each other but also sensor all the GOOD PARTZ for fear that iMacBook Bro sitting 7 inches away who is “listening” to “music” on his “earbudz” and “working” on a “report” (facebook) is ACTUALLY LiSTENiNG!!!! Come to think of it though….I feel like someone can ALwAYz hear me in New York!!!!! Subway? Freak with a dog carrier 7 inches away from me. Bus? Freak talking to his girlfriend about his doctors visit on the phone 7 inches away from me. Sidewalk? Freak hanging out by the bodega making kissy noises at me. Whole Foods? Freak purple haired girl smelling EVERY SINGLE SOAP next to me. Yoga? Freak head-stand bro making crazZzy sounds 3 inches away from me. My apartment? Freak dog living above me with long claws creeping around on the wood floors all the time. I have no choice but to be a ToTaLLy open book!!!!!! Everyone will hear me talking anyways!!! And it's obviously not an option to stop talking…..it's all I do!!!!
Look at how pretty these Gluten Free Corn Muffins and Spicy Black Bean Icing turned out!
I know, I know….there's supposed to be 24 muffinz and one is missing. DUUUUUUH I was gonna TRY ONE!!!!!!!!!!
Even though the icing is spicy, I like to garnish mine with a Jalepeno. There were always Jalepenos on everything in Texas! We get Shishito peppers and other hard-to-pronounce garnishes here in New York…but whatever it makes me feel like royalty!!!!
Ahhhhhhhh this makes me feel so at home…Both homes!!!! It's Gluten Free and glamorous…a real New York dish! But let's be honest…you can take the giRL outta TexXxas but you CAN'T take the TexXxas outta the giRL