Lullatone is like Satan, but maybe worse
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If you know the layout of Brooklyn—or live in any major metropolitan area—I am guessing you understand the neighborhood like the one I live in. Park Slope (unlike the neighborhoods to the north where most of my friends live like Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and Bushwick) is geared much more towards the mid-30's, one or two kid, $70,000+ dollar a year household income demographic. And then there is me, the guy trying to dodge the mom's jogging with their two seat baby strollers that cost the same as two months of my rent, telling me to "get the fuck out of the way" (this actually happened).
It's not that I dislike my 'hood, which for the most is part pretty cozy. But the parenting culture that grips "The Slope" and has turned it into one of the most "dreamy" neighborhoods in America? That almost makes me never want to have kids.
Which brings me to Lullatone, a parenting duo that makes what I'm led to believe is meant to be like a children version of Sigur Ros (I dry-heaved as I typed that). I listened to this new sampler called We Will Rock You...to sleep as I tried to take a little cat nap, and I swear to Christ, I had a nightmare that aforementioned bitch mom with stroller was cloned into an army, chasing me down. I woke up in a cold sweat, and started banging the eject key on my laptop to stop this evil voodoo music from playing any longer.
In short, fuck Lullatone. My kids (that is if some brave woman will ever let me get her pregnant, or if we don't die when the Mayan calendar runs out in 2012), will be raised on a steady diet of The Mummies.
Lullatone, "A Mobile Over Your Bed"
Posted on June 18, 2009
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Are you just upset because your wife has completely lost interest since the Lullatone cd has failed to put the kids to bed?
— jason diamond on June 28, 2009
Oops. I had a typo. See what angry typing does?
— Anthony Mark Happel on June 28, 2009
If the moron who "wrote" the above message could actually use proper grammar, or spell a word as simple a "woman," I might take part of what he says seriously. It seems to me you're operating with less intellect than most of the "babies" who would be directed to listen to this by their exhausted parents. And the Mummies suck! Dwarves rule!
— Anthony Mark Happel on June 28, 2009
fucking hilarious.
— Blake on June 18, 2009
I'm going to sick my children on the kids that grow up listening to this shit.
— Aus Rotman on June 18, 2009
Park Slope dubious shoutouts! Actually, I just want to point out that this article has been hilariously auto-linked to those misanthropes over in Clockcleaner, who would still be better music to raise your children on than this.
— nate d on June 18, 2009
I'd rather my kids listen to Mayhem
— jay diamond on June 18, 2009