May's 7 Most Average Moments

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Miguel Butt Drop

Do not attempt correct our weather lore excerpt, unless you're looking to get a Miguel Butt Drop to the face. May was a kind month, unless you were one of the two girls in the hired “rowdies” section of the Billboard Music Awards. We are hard pressed to recall much of May's exploits beyond the meme-magic of Miguel's Butt Drop, which has officially dethroned Sanchez's Butt Fumble on the Billboard charts for “Hot 100 Butt Moves” after five months at #1.

To celebrate the Miguel Butt Drop we're going off the top ropes and issuing out Miguel Butt Drops to the 7 most average moments of May 2013.

#7 Lauryn Hill, “Neurotic Society (Compulsory Mix)”: Sony issues a Miguel Butt Drop on Hill to either start making records or check into a jail cell.

#6 The MET Gala: The theme was “punk” so Kim Kardashian's wrapped herself in enough flower print to Miguel Butt Drop into my Grandma's couch and we'd never know.

#5 Zosia Mamet's Kickstarter: If we could, we'd donate a Miguel Butt Drop to fund her music video, but Kickstarter does not recognize a Miguel Butt Drop as a form of currency.

#4 Kanye West's Yeezus wall promo: If Kanye West's Wall projections were a fan of Miguel's music and waited two hours outside of the Billboard Music Awards in hopes that it would be granted access into a pit area directly in front of the stage to see one of its favorite musicians up close, well… I think you see where this is going.

#3 Titus Andronicus vs. The Confederate Flag: I believe it was Abraham Lincoln who issued the first Miguel Butt Drop to the Confederacy. This month Patrick Stickles delivered the second biggest Miguel Butt Drop to the South.

#2 Amanda Bynes' bong smash conspiracy: Allegedly, Amanda Bynes defenestrated a bong in May. ALLEGEDLY. An alternate theory exists that her bong was yet another victim of the Miguel Butt Drop.

#1 Miguel Butt Drop: It's his world, we're just receiving Miguel Butt Drops in it. Somewhere Mark Sanchez is crying tears of joy because the world has stopped negatively focusing on his butt. We think the Miguel Butt Drop has a bright future full of “Where Are They Now” documentaries with the girls who were victims of the Miguel Butt Drop, memes that will live eternally in higher SEO hits than honest searches for Miguel, and Buzzfeed articles.

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