2015 American League preview in haiku

Andy Livingston

Kansas City Royals party like it's 1985

Although the corpse of winter is still kicking, it’s finally time for the American Pastime to rear its head for the next, I dunno, nine months? There was a lot of movement for teams this offseason and expectations are always high at the first cry of “play ball!,” and we distilled them down to the very essence using the art of haiku. Forget the five-four-three double play, we’ve got the five-seven-five for you.

First up, we take a look at the American League, where last year the scrappy Royals made their first post season appearance in 20 years, making it all the way to the World Series before losing to the San Francisco Giants. Will this year prove to be as eventful? The haiku knows.

AL East

 
San Diego Padres v Baltimore Orioles

Baltimore Orioles

AL East champs last

Lost the bats in Cruz and Nick

Adam still eating

 

Toronto Blue Jays

Knuckleball starts weird

Joey bats will eat your young

Expos haunting you

 

Boston Red Sox

Moncada yeah yeah!

Sandoval sandwiches yeah!

Pitcher named Clay obvi

 

Tampa Bay Rays

Pretty good pitching

But they should still use Devil

Baseball lacks evil

 

New York Yankees

alex-rodriguez

A Rod forgiveness

Jeter replaced with Didi

Will still hate become

AL Central

 
cespedes-lamborghini

Detroit Tigers

They got Yoenis and

His five-hundred K sports car

Guy get Kate Upton

 

Kansas City Royals

Yost and his small ball

Moustakas not a Greek meal

Catcher is like Lurch

 

Chicago White Sox

One Samardzija

That’s the name of pitching star

Name should be Scrabble


 

Minnesota Twins

Torrii Hunter jerk

But the Twins are pretty bad

So hooray more L’s!

 

Cleveland Indians

Change the Mascot guys

You’re making Snyder look good

But cheer for Kubler!

AL West

 
Seattle Mariners

Lotta money Cano Cruz

Wait, they have a pitcher name

Taijuan Walker really?

 

Los Angeles Angels

Mike-trout-Ehrmantraut-meme-fantasy-baseball

Mike Trout da gawd

Mike Trout da gawd Mike Trout

Da gawd Mike Trout

 

Oakland Athletics

Went all in last year

Now nobody is here, oh

Moneyball never sleeps

 

Texas Rangers

Last year no one hit

Everyone was injured too

Bring back owner George

 

Houston Astros

astros-bullpen-coach

Things to do in town

Instead of watching the ‘Stros:

Almost anything

Sign up for the IMPOSE Entertainment Email Newsletter

powered by ArcaMax

Impose Privacy Policy

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 
Impose Main

image_of_WHY_in_concert

Sign up for the IMPOSE Entertainment Email Newsletter

powered by ArcaMax

Updates sent straight to your inbox, YOU DONT HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER

x
people_at_concert

Sign up for the IMPOSE Entertainment Email Newsletter

powered by ArcaMax

Thousands of your peers have already signed up.

So what are you waiting for?

x