8 Dollars You Could Earn If You Put Your Music on Spotify™

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While Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich want you to keep your music off Spotify's streaming service, claiming it is a ponzi scheme of some sorts, keep in mind your name is not Thom Yorke or Nigel Godrich. Those are names born to be stinkin' rich like beneficiary heirs of Dukes. Your name is Greg, no one calls you Gregor or Gregory, and your last name is historically tied to paupers and plebeians. Radiohead went platinum millionaire, probably, by self-releasing In Rainbows, while you nearly lost your sandwich artisan job at Penn Station trying to tour off a name-your-price Bandcamp EP. Our advice is keep that self-released album on Spotify™ and collect all eight potential dollar options like collector's toys in a McDonald's kids meal, but the DIY, anti-capitalist thing to do would be to take an origami tutorial on Youtube™.

1. This dollar.

2. Or maybe you'd like this dollar, who is coy and furled backward.

3. This one claims to be “worthless,” but we know better. Little Piggybanks could buy you a donut! A bacon donut!

4. Don't let your dollars swim away. Catch them on your hook of good tunes and streaming platform bliss.

5. Don't be shy, you rockstar, you. We know what you're in it for.

6. This dollar is from 1928, so you probably won't be able to get this one. The mint was still manufacturing bills in 1928, a year before the Great Depression, so if you're skeptical of the sustainability of the streaming model, remember that all good things come to end . . . and then they get better again! Napster became Kazaa, Kazaa became What.CD, Pandora became Spotify, and then we'll probably die in a few years, right?

7. Uno, due, tre, quattro. Chef Boyardee wants you to make-a de moneys!

8. Make all your dreams magically appear before you in a flurry of wizardry, says Harry Potter, real-life wizard and son of Gandalf.

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