Brooklyn and beyond: Where to go and what to wear for New Year's Eve

Alaina Stamatis

Moby, Thora Birch, and other millennial celebrities in Moby's "We Are All Made of Stars" music video

FORMIDABLE RAVE:

285 KENT

w/ speciial guests (DIIV), Merchandise, Blanche Blanche Blanche, Tonstartssbandht

Past a pastel defunct food stand and behind an unwiedly black curtain will be Williamsburg's premiere Garage Rockin' New Year's Eve, sponsored by Ad Hoc (the Ryan Seacrest of indepedently produced music). You'll lose yourself in a greenish smoke and thick lacey black mural by STO. Your drinks will be served by drunk college co-eds who will Coyote Sexy on the bar as soon as the secret headliner begins – the hiint iis on the fliier.

Price: $20
Costume: slutty, flannel
Hope for 2013?

PUBLIC ASSEMBLY

w/ House of Ladosha, Cakes Da Killa, Abdu Ali, Rizzla, Sebastian, D'Hana, Michael Magnan, Amber Valentine, Telfar Mursi Layne

Hard, glittery gangstas House of Ladosha carry this sweaty romp into a brave, new, percolating, gleen-and-be-scene, grind-tastic world. They are supported by the superbly produced, hyper-sexual Cakes Da Killa, who knows that getting a facial is an important part of any high-protein diet.

Consider this your big opportunity to tell 2013 to, “Don't stop, suck it, suck it.”

Price: $10
Costume: slutty, sparkly, neon
Hope for 2013?

305 TEN EYCK

SHANGHAI 2013 w/ Venus X, Gavin Russom, Jon Santos & Safety Scissors

I asked my friend Jesse Hlebo what he would be doing for New Year's Eve, to which he replied, “I don't know, I'm waiting to hear what Venus is doing.”

Venus X (of Ghetto Gothik) is a style icon, and the premiere DJ of combining underground local rap, club hits, and top 40 with cumbia and salsa classics, sandwiched between house music from everywhere on the planet and dubstep that makes you feel like you're in the Matrix (rather than just embarrassed).

If I know my BRCDBR, I think there could be some Reyka in this future.

This party starts after 1am, so look to toast with your dumb friends elsewhere.

Price: $10
Costume: slutty, sporty, neon, flannel
Hope for 2013?

5BAR

w/ Maluca, Slava, Tigga Galore, False Witness, Baglady, Nightcoregirl, Shock Diamond, VJ Ryder Ripps, VJ American Medium & Andrew Norman Wilson, Eugene Kotlyarenko

Koreatown's premiere angelic-LED-and-discoball-splattered karaoke lounge is home to a technocolor slushy of trance and soju-instigated romance that is very e-xxxciting – Facebook promoted by artists Dora Budor & Maja Cule.

The night is sponsored by the hangover energy drink Mercy (*caffeine free), and hosted by Sex Magazine and everyone's favorite doodlable dickpick provider, Snapchat (possibly an unlicensed host).

Price: $15-$20
Costume: ready to cyber
Hope for 2013?

MARKETABLE RAVE (FOR EUROPEANS):

WAREHOUSE THAT BROOKLYN NIGHT MARKET WAS IN

w/ Moby (dj set), Lee Burridge, KiloWatts

How wrong Eminem was when he told Moby that he was too old, that it was over (for his career), and that nobody listened to techno.

Price: $99.75 – $159.75
Costume: New Balances
Hope for 2013? no hope

205 CYPRESS ST + 2 secret warehouses

w/ Rubulad's Palace of Light (rock show), Cabaret of Curiousities (burning man), and Interstellar Observatory (rave)

Rubulad is such a staple of epic, marketable raves that they are providing *3* venues in which to love the nightlife. The first space, for which the address has been announced on Jeff Stark's email list, is similar to a trippy twee show, featuring the flower-clad, strings-heavy band Friend Roulette, who frequently plays at Piano's. The second space is what you expect of a Rubuland blow out: aerialists, puppetry, and magic (done by by adults). The third space is the club, where patrons are invited to dance until the world ends (AKA brunch time) courtesy in part by the great Rubulad hero DJ Shakey. A “magical RV” named “Harvey” promises to transport Rubuladies betwixt the three.

Price: $20 (wristband access to all three venues)
Costume: pirate, fairy, anybody from Les Mis, sparkly fannypack of drugs
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GOWANUS BALLROOM

w/ Barney Iller, Dj Shakey, Dj Tinseltown, the Stumblebum Brass Band

Middle Brooklyn's answer to Rubulad, featuring a mechanical bull and a coal-heated hot tub, as well as the promise that they'll drive a shitty car into a giant discoball. Yes, the people who brought you the Boatel even thought to charter DJ Shakey as well.

Price: $20
Costume: they have their own costume suggestions but we recommend anybody from Les Mis w/ a VPL (visible panty line)
Hope for 2013?

MISC HOUSE PARTY:

HOUSE OF SCREWBALL

w/DJ Kvn, DJ Enola, Miss Darcey Leonard, Sick Din, Psychosoma Movement Laboratory, DJs w/ Lipsen and Daniel (Accordion and melodica duo from Brazil).

This reasonably priced house show is aiming for something thoughtful and experimental as well as blissfully raved out, employing several dance collectives alongside DJs and free-reed instrumentals. At midnight, a sultry party affiliate representing Salome, a biblical sex symbol with long neon braids, vinyl hotpants, and curiously concealed nipples, will knock away a mannequin head playing the part of the head of John the Baptist, one of the founders of Asceticism. The message is clear: we've HAD ENOUGH of rampant Bushwick piousness. Will J the B's head be attached to a mannequin? A broom? A sentient being whose real head is concealed? There is literally only one way to find out.

Price: $7
Costume: nail extensions, hair extensions, body odor
Hope for 2013?

TRAP HOUSE

w/ WC Kids, Joseph Trotto, Larry

Ultimately a haven of underage marathon partying: a majority of the affirming comments on this event's page, including “Rollin thru,” “Sketch on dizz walls,” and “U know who I am if not u will,” originate from Facebook users in the Network of a high school.

Price: $10 for ladies, $15 for men
Costume: pepper spray, rape whistle, flashlight that does the emergency blinky thing, dark colored belt in karate
Hope for 2013?

CENTER FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF CONTEMPORARY ART

I thought CACA was the studio of artists Maya Hayuk and Morgan Blair, but now I think it's their loft.

Price: BYOB
Costume: faded dog shirt, neon, New Balances, VPL
Hope for 2013:

7 DUNHAM

w/ Silent Drape Runners, Deep Trouble, DJ _________, VJ Andtran

A nice-looking loft houses the low-fi MNDR-style duet Silent Drap Runners, best known for live-scoring episodes of Twin Peaks.

Price: $10
Costume: sporty, all black w/ a well-charged phone so you can see what you're missing elsewhere via Instagram
Hope for 2013? probably

RAY WEISS'S HOUSE
super mario brothers

Ray Weiss of Butter the Children will take on anybody (for $$$$$) at Nintendo's SUPER MARIO FRUSTRATION. When you watch gamers play the game well on Youtube, you realize they couldn't possibly have a job – not because they've spent an inordinate amount of time practicing the game, but because the level of stress the game begets would literally kill a person who had stress in their everyday life.

Price: BYOB
Costume: faded dog shirt, body odor, New Balances
Hope for 2013? eh, who's to say

STAY HOME:

WFMU
w/ GDFX, Alaina Stamatis, WFMU DJs

WFMU DJs Dan Bodah, Jesse Jarnow and Nat Roe are throwing an epic 9-hour radio party. Nat, whose weekly avant-garde-and-easy-listening infusion show holds the midnight to 3am slot on Monday nights (a-ring a-ding ding) will be holding his waves open for a performance from GDFX, Greg Fox's electronic third arm, a narration (verbal live-tweeting) of Phish's NYE performance at Madison Square Garden from Alaina Stamatis, and a slew of drunken karaoke from musicians and Brooklynites-about-town.

Price: a radio or Internet access
Costume: your pajamas
Hope for 2013? you bet your ass

LIVEPHISH.COM

Last year we ordered the stream of Phish at Madison Square Garden and projected it. The best parts were when the MSG camera flashed onto the audience, who were grooving with their eyes closed and their hands up, while Phish played Farmhouse very early on in the set. It quickly devolved into a screaming karaoke – courtesy of shots from Lone Wolf (honorable mention, their NYE features a DJ set from DJ Jenny, OHHHH JENNYYYY…) – wherein we electrical taped a friend to the mic stand, then layed out a neon nylon sheet and covered it with alcohol, slid around on it, and opened up a secret basement so we could retrieve a sampling of broken TVs and smash them with chairs.

Price: $20
Costume: Birkenstocks, Crocs, dream catcher headbands, geode jewelry, glass bowls, Juicy Couture
Hope for 2013? When?

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