Baseball got a nice shot of reality on Tuesday when the story broke that the FBI is currently investigating the St. Louis Cardinals organization for hacking into the Houston Astros computers. For a lot of people (everyone outside of St. Louis really) the investigation is sweet justice to a fanbase that seems to exist entirely on it’s sanctimony. And nowhere collects this sanctimony the best like the must follow twitter account at Baseball’s Best Fans. BBF had a field day retweeting the especially over the top tweets with this announcement.
But hey, fans are allowed to be fans. Taking it on the chin is pretty hard when you think your team is the best, so in order to help these Cards fan deal with their pain, I wrote a poem for each especially pearl-wrenching tweet.
Classic Cowards
We’re the other teams and man, you know who we hate?
The Cards
“I know!” said the Astros (probably)
Lets get the FBI after them!
And everyone Huzza’d
@dgoold don't know if "hacking" in #hackgate is fair. Guessing a password sounds like a jealous 15 year old girlfriend stunt. #Cardinals
— Mylhan Myers (@mylhanmyers) June 16, 2015
Guessing a Password
Deep at heart, aren’t we all jealous 15 year old girls?
Stunts are stunts but hacking is serious business.
@JeffPassan as a lifelong Cardinals fan I look at this as nothing more than stealing signs. Astros plunk Carpenter and it's all over.
— Snewp (@ScottNewport) June 16, 2015
Stealing Signs
It hurts harder than I can tell.
And no matter how many hitters I plunk.
It just won’t go away.
New to me but we are spending our tax $'s on investigating #stlcards Houston Don't know what to say #incest all mlb is in the same family
— Jimmy McBaseball (@JMcMil129) June 16, 2015
#incest
New to me.
Wait, what?
What's wrong with the world?! @Cardinals being investigated by @FBI and @TLC pulled #19kidsandcounting for #DuggarScandal Is nothing sacred?
— Missy Bunch (@mb0196207) June 16, 2015
Nothing sacred?
I think it’s time.
To go outside.
And probably log off forever.
