Five Poems for St. Louis Cardinals Fans

Andy Livingston

St. Louis Cardinals Hacking scandal

Baseball got a nice shot of reality on Tuesday when the story broke that the FBI is currently investigating the St. Louis Cardinals organization for hacking into the Houston Astros computers. For a lot of people (everyone outside of St. Louis really) the investigation is sweet justice to a fanbase that seems to exist entirely on it’s sanctimony. And nowhere collects this sanctimony the best like the must follow twitter account at Baseball’s Best Fans. BBF had a field day retweeting the especially over the top tweets with this announcement.

But hey, fans are allowed to be fans. Taking it on the chin is pretty hard when you think your team is the best, so in order to help these Cards fan deal with their pain, I wrote a poem for each especially pearl-wrenching tweet.

cardinals-tweet

Classic Cowards

We’re the other teams and man, you know who we hate?
The Cards

“I know!” said the Astros (probably)

Lets get the FBI after them!
And everyone Huzza’d

Guessing a Password

Deep at heart, aren’t we all jealous 15 year old girls?

Stunts are stunts but hacking is serious business.

Stealing Signs

It hurts harder than I can tell.

And no matter how many hitters I plunk.

It just won’t go away.

#incest

New to me.

Wait, what?

Nothing sacred?

I think it’s time.

To go outside.

And probably log off forever.

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