Why they were bad

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The NBA playoffs have begun! While half the league is battling for championship supremacy, the other half is sitting at home not watering their lawn because of the impending doom of drought. We thought about examining the first round of the playoffs but they’re going to go on for forever, so before we sink our teeth into the post season, let’s take a moment to remember those we’ve lost in 2015. May the memories of these team’s NBA season live on for years to come.

Carmelo Anthony

New York Knicks (Regular season record: 17-65)

Replaced a bad team with a D-League squad to shed contracts, Phil Jackson making 75% of the organizational decisions while on peyote.

Minnesota Timberwolves (Regular season record: 16-66)

A very young core, an injured Ricky Rubio, and head coach Flip Saunders immense fear of lines kept him from setting up three-point plays.


Los Angeles Lakers (Regular season record: 21-61)

Kobe hurt, nobody else wanted to join team and the deadly combo of Kelly Clarkson.


Philadelphia 76ers (Regular season record: 18-64)

The Tank has been renewed for a second season.

Sacramento Kings (Regular season record: 29-53)

Coaching nightmares, Vivek interference and the slow rise of Sauce Castillo.


Orlando Magic (Regular season record: 25-57)

Young squad and bad coach and Elfrid’s hair needed to bulk up to deal with NBA conditioning.

Denver Nuggets (Regular season record: 30-52)

Brian Shaw, and those pesky Millennials.

Detroit Pistons (Regular season record: 32-50)

Reggie Jackson not feeling well, and Stan Van Gundy cursing.

Utah Jazz (Regular season record: 38-44)

Alec Burks hurt, dumping Enes, but the Stifle Tower!

Charlotte Hornets (Regular season record: 33-49)

Lance was awful, everybody was injured slipping on Michael Jordan’s tears.

Michael Jordan crying

Phoenix Suns (Regular season record: 39-43)

Let’s get all these guards! Nope, never mind!


Miami Heat (Regular season record: 37-45)

Some guy left, James something?

Indiana Pacers (Regular season record: 38-44)

Maybe the 7’2″ guy who can only average ten points and seven rebounds a game?


Oklahoma City Thunder (Regular season record: 45-37)

Based God Curse, obvi.