Are bands murderers?

Sean Stout

Twitter #KillingIt

Okay okay okay, I know screen-shotting tweets is really lame, but I want to address a few things. First, what are you tweeting right now? What is SO important that you want to divert your attention from this band playing right in front of you to hop on your iPhone and tell the world? Can it wait? No? Oh, okay, well, what is it then? We should all most likely stop the entire show if you have some information that is so important you feel the need to share it with the entire world RIGHT NOW. What is it? Will you tell me too? I want to know about this monumentally important information! Oh, “The band is 'Killing it'” ? That's what is so important and pertinent that you need to divert your whole attention from the band that is 'killing it' to inform the world that they are in fact 'killing it'? Well, but wait, what are they killing? Is there a monster being slain behind the drum set that I can't see from this angle? Because that's rad! I hate the very real threat of monsters as much as the next guy and would love to inform the world that we are one less and have this band to thank for it. Nope? Not Godzilla? What is it then? Are they killing a unicorn? That's fucked up! Those are #rare majestic beasts! I want to tell the world that this band is a bunch of miracle hating jerks! Could you be a bit more descriptive? No?

You, my mid-show-tweeting friend are the miracle hating jerk. You are in front of me, for one, which is how I can see you tweeting and I think I deserve that position more than you now because you clearly aren't enjoying the show enough to pay attention. Secondly, isn't it just commonly understood by now that it a show taboo to tweet while the band is playing? You're totally 'That dude' and nobody wants to be 'That guy' not even the dude who is 'That guy'. You might as well be filming the show on your iPad (Which I've actually seen, and, I'm just throwing this out there: If you think you have the right to block my view by filming or taking pictures with an iPad, then I think I am entitled to use the screen as a Nerf-Gun™ target. And I lick the ends of the suction cups FIRST, so they are extra suction-y. Just sayin…)

Look I know you are limited to 140 characters, but I am pretty sure you can come up with something a bit more inventive than simply accusing a band of murder. I mean, that's a heavy accusation! Like, you go jail for a way long time for that! And I'm sure you are not trying to publicly wave the fed flag informing everyone that you are that jerk that's on your phone during a show and are also horrible at giving concise analysis of anything in 140 characters or less. Just stop. Honestly, if you need to inform people that you attended a show and had fun, simply tweet afterwards that you went to X show and had a lot of fun. That is way more respectable, it's humble, and it's not INSANELY RUDE TO THE BAND THAT YOU SAW PLAY.

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