July’s Most Average Moments

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We should have known we were going to be in for a weird July when a Death Grips napkin story dominated music blogosphere headlines before we were even able to celebrate our Independence Day. The controversially controversial punk rap outfit apparently decided to call it quits and cancel their upcoming performances while… maybe at a burger joint, maybe at a bar, maybe in their living room after finishing off some takeout Chinese and noticing one last clean napkin at the bottom of the bag. Whatever, though. All that matters is that they screwed over whatever fans they still had left, as well as anyone who was expecting Pitchfork Fest to be a unique experience. At least they cared enough to write with clean, legible handwriting.

If you want an indication as to how the rest of the month in music went, consider that the dude from Mastadon carved a huge penis into a giant block of wood and that it was a news story. Also consider that for some reason this year’s Gathering of the Juggalos might have been the weirdest yet… either that or Juggalos all took How to Vine seminars prior to the Gathering. In the future we should all band together and agree not to cover, report on, film, photograph, write about, record, or document this atrocity in anyway. There are already enough reminders that humanity is doomed; we don’t need to see a looping video clip of a girl twerking on a 500-pound man’s gut. Please. We really, really, really don’t.