Your mom’s take on Roomrunner in 1994

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Super Vague

You were able to slip Roomrunner’s Super Vague past your mom’s peripherals, mainly because it’s cover art was far less offensive than a naked baby swimming in a pool being fished for with a dollar bill as bait. Luckily, she hadn’t already heard the infectious force that is “Spinning” or any of the other raucous pop gems off the band’s debut cassette – so permission to hit play was granted.

The initial squeals garner an immediate, “turn that noise down this isn’t Camden Yards!” You and your friends realize the carpool listening party is in jeopardy, and do what needs to be done to continue to take in the tactful rage of Denny Bowen, Dan Frome, Sam Garrett, and Bret Lanahan.

Your mother begins her glowing review with, “Is this what passes as a song these days,? These boys could learn a lot from Billy Joel.” Before you could explain why Billy isn’t cool anymore, your mom cries, “oh my goodness, did they record this in the stone age?

While your mom wonders why you can‘t understand what the lyrics are, you go ahead and try to explain what rock and roll is to her. After she combats your lesson in rock with simply, “The Beatles,” you realize it’s useless trying to explain grunge to your mom and it’s time to show off in front your friends.

With your mom distracted by her friend in a matching Ford Taurus station wagon, you crank it up as loud as it can go. For about 15 whole seconds, the entire minivan is able to experience the blissful squall of guitar, driving bass, calculated drums, and powerfully fuzzy vocals at the proper volume.

This may or may not have been the best 15 seconds of your decade or so on earth, but your mom much preferred that Elton John tape she put on instead.

Super Vague is out May 15 on Fan Death Records.