WikiLeaks: bringing the U.S. and Taliban together

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Kate Gosselin getting stoned

When you want to bring two enemies together, all you have to do is air their collective dirty laundry.

Hearing that WikiLeaks leaked over 90,000 uncensored intelligence documents related to the war in Afghanistan, we immediately think of the threat to our security and the onus it puts on American and “ally” forces fighting in the region. Turns out we might have something to learn from them.

The Taliban has now jumped into the foray since their secrets have been exposed as well, and much like America, its ire is pointed at the leakers. The latest group of brown people we're fighting said if they catch the anti-Taliban informants, they'll use the age-old tradition of beheading. Adding, “We know how to punish them.”

The Taliban now joins America, Britain and Afghanistan in condemning WikiLeaks and the information it hosts. I know this isn't a political forum, but how can we not see the promise in this? If we can agree to hate on a website, why can't we agree on other things?

I'm sure we both hate Coldplay music and Sarah Jessica Parker movies, or at least we can agree to kill those who don't. And while we don't condone violence against women the way the Taliban does, we can probably turn a blind eye to a Kate Gosselin stoning. We'll even give you the two Kardashian's who are not Kim and whoever was responsible for the last Prince of Persia movie if you send us Irina Sheik or Dominique Hourani. Shit, I'll sign up for the Jihad right now if you let me take out any band I want. I'll start with everyone who references diamonds or triangles in their name or song titles — diamonds and triangles are “western” ideals, right?

I think you see where I'm going with this. It's really not hard to find things to agree on. Religion smeligion, who gives a fuck? If we must fight, let's find common enemies. But whatever we do, I implore all Arabs to please refrain from bringing Paul the octopus into this.