Records of consequence and embarrassment were broken in Week 5, mascots and fans made poor life decisions, and the old Manning Boys were up to it again.
The Manning Boys
Peyton Manning notched his 500th touchdown in his 479 yard and four TD game against the Arizona Cardinals, not only adding another record into his excessive football resume, but helping the Broncos give the Cardinals their first loss of the season. It almost makes up for his association with Papa Johns!
Brother Eli, on the other side of the country, racked up a 19 for 30, for 200 yards and 2 TDs in a 30-20 win over the Atlanta Falcons. He did a decent impression of his brother, leading the team down into the Falcons zone with just over ten-minutes left. A 15-yard pass to Odell Beckham Jr lead to his first touchdown of the season and the third straight win for the Giants. The Falcons were not known for a strong defense, but given the Giants ability to go from hot garbage to cold garbage week to week, this has Eli’s boys looking good for the season so far.
As if completing 28 passes of 41 attempts for two TD’s leading to a Cowboys 4-1 record wasn’t enough, Romo basically gets Best Week for escaping a sack by the beast JJ Watt. Of course, the Cowboys still needed a field goal to pull away from the offensively anemic Houston Texans, but that sack escape looks pretty good.
Tennessee Titans QB Jake Locker went down with a couple of injuries, but even when backup Charlie Whitehurst stepped into the game, it all looked hopeless for the Browns. His first two pass attempts were for touchdowns and Cleveland was down 25 points. Brian Hoyer started the comeback with a 1-yard touchdown to end the first half, and the Browns were helped out by a couple of great special teams plays. They followed with 16 points in the 4th quarter and the Browns had the biggest regular season road comeback in NFL history. Johnny who?
The Detroit Lions kicker missed all three field goal attempts in a tight contest losing 17-14 against the Buffalo Bills. Even the apparent laser pointer shenanigans of a Lions fan trying to distract Bills players or the Detroit Tigers getting swept in spectacular fashion in the ALDS could’ve helped Henery evade scrutiny. He was waived on Monday.
The Jags opponent this week, the Pittsburgh Steelers, hasn’t been very good, but you wouldn’t know that as they picked off Blake Bortles twice in the game. One of those picks, by Brice McCain, was returned for a touchdown and the Steelers did their best 1970s impression and sat on the ball until the clock ticked to zero. Oh and did you see the Jags mascot making an Ebola joke during the game too?
Victims mostly of the Tom Brady narrative, stories leaked this week that Brady was not happy with his coaching staff and teammates, and was looking to walk after his contract is up. Whether that story was true or a motivational plant by Illuminati mastermind Bill Belichick is still up for discussion, but the Patriots tore into the Bengals. The Patriots were using two tight ends the way they used to before one of them went to jail, and the Pats embarrassed a previously unbeaten team during a prime time game. It wasn’t just definitive, it was gnarly.
It was a tough loss this week as the Fighting Imps held on all week until the Monday Night game where my Seattle defense just couldn’t contain DeSean Jackson. He put up 21 points and helped limit the Seattle D to just two points in a week that otherwise saw the Imps claw their way to a (almost) victory. Cam Newton overcame a really rough start in Chicago to earn 16.10. LeSean McCoy continues to perform terribly and only managed to put up 6.60, while Jordy Nelson wracked up 12.60 in the Thursday night win for the Packers. It was a moral victory, seeing as my opponent was the best team in the league, and fantasy football is nothing for those who have weak morals.
What to watch for in Week 6
New England at Buffalo, the two top rivals for the AFC east, go at it in Buffalo. Carolina and Cincinnati have two young quarterbacks who are vastly different, but it should be a gun show. Dallas at Seattle has the rising Cowboys visit the reigning Super Bowl champs and given how the Cowboys struggled against opponent noise in their own stadium in Week 5, they might completely implode in Seattle.