Goddamn you, Satriani. Had you foregone litigation in defense of your stupid guitar solo, Chris Martin would never have throat-fucked you in this Youtube video.

If you thought you'd never get to hear the smooth sounds of Joe Satriani's lubed-up guitar lines rubbing along Chris Martin's supple vocals, you underestimated the power of people to re-imagine their favorite schlock crushing in from two sides, like double penetration, or Boy George with an extra cudgel.

DO NOT BLAME THE INTERNET, BLAME YOURSELVES.