NFL Week 14: The Picks

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We took a field trip to Atlantic City after the Monday night game. You could call it research. Or, you could call it volunteer work, rebuilding an area devastated by Hurricane Sandy. I wouldn't. I'd say it was somewhere closer to the gluttonous me-first epidemic that's thinning the blood of our generation. Mostly, it was a fine example of the American will, the no one – especially some storm – is going to tell me how to go about my business and if I made three grand in a weekend betting on some dumb football games, you can be damn well certain I have the authority on how to spend it.

We lost everything in twenty minutes.

We had to sleep under a buffet table until the Denver-Oakland Thursday night game. Somehow we made enough money on side-bets to get a bus ticket back to Brooklyn where our rent checks keep artisanally bouncing.

What to glean from this? Not that we have a gambling problem. Surely that one of the editors returned back from the trip with only eight digits is to be assumed. There are concessions you make when taking on the lifestyle, amputations you expect. No, what you should know is we work best under pressure. Your child support payments running late? Your student loans bowled over with interest? Take this week's wisdom to your nearest casino. Find the backroom of the barbershop. We're about getting paid.

St. Louis at Buffalo
Well, it looks like we're starting the day off with a real barnburner. Buffalo by 3

Dallas at Cincinnati
Even against the catatonic Eagles, the Cowboys tried their best to lose. Now we have two teams that desperately need a win, which by Dallas law means Cincinnati should have no troubles. Dallas by 109

Kansas City at Cleveland
With respect to Coach Crennel and the grieving, there's no way the Chiefs win another game this season. Browns by 10

Tennessee at Indianapolis
Don't look now but the Colts are 8-4. Peyton 2.0 has got the city feeling pretty good, and unfortunately for the Titans it's going to be another wasted trip. Colts by 17

Chicago at Minnesota
Vikings LB Chad Greenway is calling for Vikings fans to show up “super-duper drunk” in hopes that the liquid lubrication will make the home field that much more advantageous. Probably one of the more innocuous things an athlete has had to apologize for this season. The Bears are second only to the Cowboys in terms of trying their best to sabotage their own season. Who knows? Bears by 3

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay
At the beginning of the season the Eagles were supposed to point at this game and see what could be the start of a late three-game winning streak. It's not even a personal bias coming out here, no one wants the season to end quicker than the Eagles. Bucs by 16

Baltimore at Washington
We're calling this as the game of the week. And we're praying RGIII doesn't get killed. Skins by 3

Atlanta at Carolina
Gucci Mane Trap God Trap Game of the Week. Panthers by 7

NY Jets at Jacksonville

San Diego at Pittsburgh
Charlie Batch gets the week off as Rapey Ben takes back the helm. A pointless game that the Steelers have to win. Chargers by 31

Miami at San Francisco
San Fran sure has an affinity for these trap games. Good thing they've got their quarterback situation all figured out in time. Frisco by 18

Arizona at Seattle
GMTG Trap Game of the Week runner-up. Cards by 37

New Orleans at NY Giants
The amount of hate the both teams generate within me is incredible. It's enough to power a small boat from Cuba to Florida. Stadium implodes midway through the third quarter. No one wins.

Detroit at Green Bay
A game made for commercials. This the matchup television editors get hard for. They love making those 30 second buffers of a storied rivalry. The ol' black and blue division. If Detroit doesn't come out throwing, it's going to be a long night. Pack by 7

Houston at New England
This one, hopefully, will be beautiful. We all hate the Patriots, but in the necessary way, with the understanding that we need them, we need to project all the evil on to them. In essence, we love them. Houston by 14

Year-end Predictions, take heed:
AFC Champs – Houston Texans
NFC Champs – Dallas Cowboys
Super Bowl Champs – Dallas Cowboys
Season MVP – Tony Romo
Offensive Player of the Year – Adrian Peterson
Defensive Player of the Year – J.J. Watt
Rookie of the Year – RGIII