#SEOBullyBoyz NBA Fantasy Week 5 update

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With Week 6 nearly over, I’m sure you all are thirsty to hear how the domination of Week 5 went. It went, my children, exactly as planned. With apologies to Quartersnacks, it couldn’t be described as competitive. We won 7-2.

We got by on healthy servings from ‘Melo and Z-Bo and survived a dormant performance from the kid, Paul George. And though Roy Hibbert’s lack of offensive production is well documented (it’s actually startling the amount of tip-ins and short range shots he’s missing right now), he’s turning into a baby Dikembe and we can always count on him to provide blocks.

Not to take anything away from our victory – we only lost on field goal percentage (thanks Roy) and turnovers, which really aren’t statistics anyway – but Team Quartersnacks was in the middle of a trip to London during our match. The W and the L wouldn’t change sides had they remained stateside this past week, but we’ll cut them some slack for travel stress, other responsibilities than fantasy basketball.

That was Week 5. Set ‘em up, knock ‘em down, etc and etc. We’re some goddamn turnover machines, but what’s that they say? You can’t make a Russell Westbrook omelette without dribbling too much and forcing things and turning the ball over 20 times in four games.

And now your boy is sitting pretty at the two spot.

This week we’ve been manhandling Brooklyn Vegan (Kevin Love Sosa). Paul George has scored 20-plus in his last two outings. Z-Bo put 38 and 22 with 3 blocks and a steal against Phoenix. Plus a butt-load of other statistics that are of interest only to us. It’s not bragging if it’s true – or something.

I’m sorry. I feel we’re falling into the Dane Cook vanguard, the Tucker Max fold. This arrogance is getting tiring. We’re up 7-2 with only a few days left, and while I appreciate the success, our steady climb to the top, we need some humbling. We need a fall from grace. Victory only tastes sweet with a fair measure of suspense. Maybe we’ll go Pop’s route, and bench Timmy (DNP-OLD) for a few days. Probably not.